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Jerry Newcombe
Good News
Commentary
Facebook’s first president,
Sean Parker, who was also the co-
founder of NAPSTER, recently got
married in Big Sur, California. The
300-guest wedding cost about $9
million.
That is astounding. I was
driving throughBig Sur recently on
vacation. (We just happened to
have amini-family vacation there).
We stopped for gas, and I was
pumping away before I looked at
the price. It was more than $6.00 a
gallon! That is high even for
California. I stopped immediately
– when I noticed the cost. At least
it was a nice view.
Writing for the
Telegraph
in
the U.K. (6/3/13), Nick Allen says
of the wedding, “The scene did
reportedly resemble a Hollywood
set with landscapers spending
weeks building fake waterfalls,
ruins and backdrops, and a
$600,000 stone gate.” They spent
about $1 million in plants and
flowers alone.
It is incredible that someone
could engage in such an elaborate
and memorable ceremony – not
far from the Hearst Castle no less,
where dreams have come true.
(The reason our family was even
driving through Big Sur was
because we had gone to visit the
incredible
mansion
William
Randolph Hearst built over the
course of 27 years in San Simeon,
beginning in 1919.)
We wish the newlyweds
success on their new life together.
But this givesme an opportunity to
comment onhow important it is to
prepare formarriage, as opposed to
just the wedding.
Sadly, in Western culture
(particularly in America), we have
racked up a terrible divorce rate.
Though, it is not as bad as the “one
out of two marriages end in
divorce” statistic that we keep
hearing about. Years ago, pollster
Lou Harris proved that the notion
that 50 percent of marriages in
America end in divorce gives a
misleading picture.
He found that the source of
that statistic was that in a given
year, the number of newmarriages
was double the number of new
divorces happening that particular
year. But that does not mean that
one out of every two marriages in
America thus ends in divorce
because the number of existing
marriages were taken into
consideration. There are many
who are married and stay so.
Consider this: If you get
married, are the chances of a
lastingmarriage only 50/50? I think
not. Those who repeatedly get
married and divorced will, of
course, skew the statistics.
Meanwhile, certain behaviors help
increase the odds of the couple
staying together. That would
include
a
few
pre-marital
counseling sessions.
One of the big ones involves
sex before marriage – or the lack
thereof. Christian sex educator
PamStenzel says that if individuals
enter into a marriage as virgins,
they only have a two percent
chance of getting divorce.
I realize that that may seem
virtually impossible to many, but it
is not.
A classic study on sex in
America, under the auspices of the
University of Chicago in the early
1990s, found that supposedly
“boring” married couples, who
were faithful to each otherwere the
ones having sex most often and
with greater satisfaction. The
researchers wrote: “Once again
contradicting the common viewof
marriage as dull and routine, the
people who reported being the
most physically pleased and
emotionally satisfied were the
married couples.”
Take another issue. I know it is
a cliché, but there is a lot of truth to
the old slogan, “The family that
prays together stays together.”
Group prayer forms an incredible
bonding force.
Amarriage based on the same
basic worldview and goals also
makes a huge difference. Going to
church with my wife has united us
and made a difference. Statistics
show that those who attend
religious services regularly tend to
divorce less.
Wisdom from scripture, like
“donot let the sun go downon your
anger,” can save a marriage.
My long-time pastor, the late
Dr. D. James Kennedy, once said,
“Marriage is a school where we
learn forgiveness, forbearance,
love, and where we learn the
development of relationships,
which is themost important thing.
As our relationship to Christ is like
our relationship to our spouse, so
we need to learn the meaning of
that
relationship,
that
commitment, that love, and that
trust, which is so very important.”
A romantic view of marriage
– the idea that the whole thing is
based on feelings – can be very
dangerous for any marriage.
Feelings come and go. But
commitment remains the same.
Amazingly,
arranged
marriages, in India for example,
have a better track record than do
marriages based onmere romantic
feelings.
The Bible’s description of love
in 1 Corinthians 13 deals with
actions and attitudes, not feelings.
Love is patient, kind, not jealous,
keeps no record of wrongs, forgives
all things, is not arrogant or rude,
and so on.
No one gets married to get
divorced. Putting such advice into
practice can help couples prepare
well for a lifetime of marriage, not
just the wedding – and it will not
cost you $9 million to get it.
Jerry Newcombe, D.Min., is co-
host of Truth that Transforms and
a spokesperson for Truth in
Action Ministries. He has also
written or co-written 23 books,
including The Book That Made
America: How the Bible Formed
Our Nation and (with D. James
Kennedy), What If Jesus Had
Never Been Born?
www.truthinaction.org.
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July 2013 49
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Good News - Broward Edition
9 Million Dollar Wedding