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John Hawkins, Sr.
Good News
Your past need not control
your present or determine your
future unless you choose to not
face it. However, if these steps are
not taken, a person will be
forever in bondage to their past.
They will not know freedom
from such things as shame, guilt,
fear, anxiety and insecurity to
name just a few. How can a
person properly process their
past? This would involve
identifying the issues, extending
forgiveness where necessary,
rejecting false belief systems,
accepting the truth, and letting
go of unhealthy emotions. Let us
look at part of the process of
attaining
emotional
and
relational freedom in life.
Four core issues everyone faces
We can look at four core
issues (or sins) we must all
confront at some point. From a
biblical perspective, we can say
the root of the human problem is
sin. However, let’s define the issue
in greater detail. Bill Gothard
identifies four root sins of the
human fallen condition; they are
moral impurity, bitterness, self-
image, and a temporal value
system. Gothard believes you can
trace any human sin back to one
of these four roots. Now let’s also
look at one solution that can
resolve many of these four root
sins and bring healing to our
lives: forgiveness.
The cycle of sin and hurt
God told Moses that the
children
would
reap
the
iniquities of the fathers to the
third and fourth generation.
This principle is about the
reality of how sin and its harmful
results can travel through family
systems for several generations.
This goes on until someone
decides to break the cycle. The
truth is, most of us have been
hurt by someone else and this
person was usually close to us.
These emotional hurts cause us
to develop emotional defense
mechanisms as children. These
may have helped us as children,
but don’t work in adulthood.
They
create
pockets
of
immaturity that hurt our adult
relationships and this is where so
much of our baggage comes
from. This baggage does not just
disappear by itself ; it needs to be
unpacked and put away. This is
where forgiveness comes in.
Four groups to forgive
Out of those four root sins,
the one occurring most often in
people is bitterness. In fact,
bitterness often plays a major
role in the development of the
other three root sins. It is the
absence of bitterness that reveals
when healing has taken place.
When you can thank God for
what he has done in your life
because of that person or event
that previously made you bitter,
then you know you are free
(Romans 8:28-29). What or who
are the groups you will need to
forgive to gain freedom?
First
is
your
parents
(remember there are no perfect
parents we are all sinners).
Parents are our first attachment
figures
and
we
need
unconditional love from them.
They must be present for our
needs to make us feel safe and
secure. One or both of your
parents could have been absent
physically or emotionally. This
absence may have been well-
intentioned
or
neglectful.
Perhaps they were abusive
because of their own selfishness
or lack of knowledge. They
could have been ignorant to the
parent’s role because of a lack of
a parental model of their own.
Romantic
partners
are
another group that requires
forgiveness. This can include
boy/girlfriends, fiancées, or
spouses. Perhaps one of these
people betrayed you, was
unfaithful,
called
off
the
engagement, or filed for divorce.
Maybe they just made you feel
unvalued or unappreciated. It
could have been the wounds
caused by their words, or their
inconsiderateness
and
inconsistency. They left you
with a pile of unmet needs and
unfulfilled expectations. How
do you heal from this?
A third group is people in
general. The sad truth is that
people fail. Some do it part of
the time and some do it all of the
time. But everyone will fail you
at sometime because they are
sinners. This is a trait we all have
inherited from our parents going
all the way back to Adam and
Eve. An excellent book to help
you heal from this part of your
past is
Search For Significance
by
Robert McGee. This book will
help you break free from your
past by breaking free from
wrong belief systems – a major
cause of staying locked in the
past.
A final area needing
forgiveness is particular life
events.
Life
is
full
of
disappointments,
heartbreak
and unmet expectations. If you
could rule out all the events that
you caused yourself through bad
decisions, wrong inf luences or
an ungodly lifestyle, you would
still get hurt by events caused
by others. God is still sovereign
and nothing can come into your
life without his permission.
Rather than curse that which is
out of your control, seek to
learn and grow better by it.
These are the kinds of things
done by those who have made
peace with their past and enjoy
freedom in their present.
Can you think of a time when
forgiving someone set you free?
Share your forgiveness story with
us at editor@goodnewsfl.org.
Dr. John Hawkins, along with his
son John Jr., runs Gateway
Counseling Center in Boynton
Beach. He can be reached by
visiting gatewaycounseling.com.
>
Good News - Broward Edition
42 January 2014
FORGIVENESS
Finding Freedom